i want a cigarette really really badly

what a perfect date

dinner, walk on the waterfront, watching boats go by, a puppet show, and ice cream.

i have the perfect girlfriend

tomorrow will be a terribly long day.
and i'm still awake.

bollocks

i'm too fucking nice

every month, a lot of money i don't have is being received by:

1-world vision: i'm now sponsering 2 kids, a girl named miriam in peru and a boy named bishawjit in bangladesh. miriam is sponsered by my family, so i only pay $10. but i got suckered into sponsering the little boy by someone on the street. that's $35 a month. why must they have the pictures of the children? why? WHY WHY WHY?!?!
2-greenpeace: $12 a month
3-amnesty international: $15 a month
4-unicef: $12 a month

$84 a month.

i don't have a job. i don't have money. and i don't know how to say no. dammit dammit dammit

i haven't missed a class in two weeks. this is an accomplishment.

i've done a lot of favors for a few people in the past few weeks. i remember someone on television saying 'there is no such thing as an unselfish favor'
NOT TRUE. at least not in my case. a few favors i've done for people have left me feeling stupid and unfullfilled.
tell you what, i'm going to start doing stuff for ME! i'm going to spend my money on gin and cigarettes and expensive shoes, instead of buying beer for teachers and food for my classmates. i'm going to eat cheeseburgers instead of nothing.

so, in summation, go screw yourselves.


oh drunk friday nights, how i've missed you

self confidence... GONE

well, it's not completely gone. i just receieved a swift kick in the head i guess.
i doubt my abilities a lot. since last wednesday, i don't really think there are even any abilities to doubt.
i'm so distracted and unfocused that it's making me seem like an idiot. no one disagree with me, because it's an unfortunate fact.

hey, i'm the queen of the world

a weird, weird fucked up night of weird misunderstandings, half conversations, being insulted, dirty inappropriate encounters and mini interventions. hotshotrobot played a pretty boss set, two drinks were purchased for me by other people, and the crazy night ended with 50 ft. queenie. i think i'll end every night of the rest of my life with a pj harvey song.

i woke up this morning with a beer headache and 5 hours of sleep. i'm off to drink copious amounts of coffee and prepare for a few hours of recording drums.

anniversaire

my birthday is coming up.

my birthday last year was pretty rotten. i was stupid and sulking. and the suicide party. oooohhh what a mess. the thread and the actual party(for me anyway)

i left the party for a ridiculous reason (can anyone guess? it starts with a 'b' and rhymes with 'toy')
but i also knew about 4 people there. it was a party being shared with savannah for chrissakes. the party girl extraordinaire. plus my costume wasn't very good.

if someone were to throw me a party again this year, i'm sure it would be a small group of individuals. and nothing would make me happier.

this city blows. my anonymity is a total blessing

joey kissed jack

intense!

in other news: abbey tried to bone dawson and pacey got his first look at future girlfriend andie's not so perfect family (deceased brother and crazy mom)

ohhh pacey witter

my school schedual is as lovely as any school schedual could be. the earliest i have class is 10am and on friday i don't have class until 4.

what's unfortunate about this schedual? two thing.

1. because the hours are so strange, it's making my struggle to find a job even worse.

and 2. i'm stuck on dawson's creek. i remember in junior high, it was the show all my friends watched and loved. my father and i had a tradition though. wednesdays at 8pm was when we watched unsolved mysteries and cold case files together. so i never got to experience the complicated yet charming misadventures of the loveable kids from capeside.

one morning i woke up after leaving tbs on all night (i was watching lethal weapon IV i believe)
what do i wake up to? a conversation between dawson leery and pacey witter about pacey's passionate love affair with his english teacher, miss jacobs. ever since, i've watched it every morning i could. and haven't been able to stop. it's so terrible, but so wonderful all at the same time.

fucking

driven home by the cops tonight

i was sitting on the corner of brunswick and whatever. sitting on the sidewalk.
they picked me up before 'someone else did'

i told them my dad's name. stupidly. they'll probably look him up.

edie sedgwick

pretty cute, huh?